I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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