Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
