the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
