do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
