I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
