So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he was CRYING into my vagina
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
