captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the day after is always just damage control
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
