Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
