Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize