Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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