mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
