Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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