I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize