youre lurking in front of me
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
