I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize