Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
