my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
