Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
