We need to rekindle our bromance
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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