He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
