Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize