FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
