So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
