It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
