I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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