I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
