I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
