I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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