the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
bring money and cleavage
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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