dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
