I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize