it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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