i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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