So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is it penis luge time yet?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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