you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
