I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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