Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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