I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
