the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
