Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
