Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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