Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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