I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
