So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
