He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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