I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
