i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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