Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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