If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
