ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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