I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize