There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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