Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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