After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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