He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
