so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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