Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
