When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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