Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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