Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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