I want to walk on stilts...naked
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
