i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
