I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
