dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
