Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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You. Win. At. Life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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