Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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