All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
