Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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