There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
