Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
