I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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