Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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