I have demons in me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think my moral compass just broke
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
