But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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