I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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