I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
