NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
