so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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