I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
