Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
