im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
