um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
