I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
