I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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