just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
