I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
