If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
