you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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