I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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