Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
