she woke up with a sticky ear
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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