i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
