I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
