I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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