I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
