jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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