The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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